User:RD/9k/Q12,1,18/comm

26-4

very short time devoted to magic owl. probably for the best　　3
wait　　117
mom was worried about owl baby years ago? there's lore　　9

two mentions of sex in first five pages. what a book　　5

"housekeeping is nothing more than a losing encounter with entropy"　　4

- husband is a patented seed lawyer　　7
well that job's going away after the revolution,,
there has to be some kind of small symbolism here that both of them are annoying

- mom talks about wet playing card. wet card happens　　9,10

- 95% of this narrative is in the mom's head　　1-6,12

- grandma had ornithosis, disease found in parrots. hand scaled like claw　　15,18

- walking out door past mailbox at night, past dog　　11,53-55
all of reality seems to distort when she's on these walks
- that's not a dog. if I see you on my property again I'll get my gun　　13

- beyond the back window, a tangled thicket 15,18,66,228-229
- thicket gnarled and tangled　　66
- old forest; the gathering dark; the looming dark 30
- climbing out window　　65,226

> I want what's happening to be the real thing　　222
> I've chosen ... this other kind of life ... where all the magic and music has drained out of me　　223

- toxic positivity　　10
- don't call it an owl-baby!　　9-10

- anti-abortion protest　　13
yeah, this is California

- baby makes noise; I may never sleep through the night　　11,47

- a sleepy one-horse town until a rare ore was found in the area　　15
- mom describes twice divided origins of good and bad, the neighborhoods "gleaming/gloaming", the good and bad parents.
- standing in weird classist prejudices and not challenging them the whole time　　15-16
okay, no, mom really has internalized this disgusting view of imperfect people as not human　　17-18

- old song of prophecy reverberates and messes up violin playing　　25
- i am bad and it will corrupt my child　　25

- fateful day at the zoo　　16-17
- owl trapped in tiny cage; you will be one if you keep speaking up　　17
- turned back, bit, hit by zookeeper, hit by father　　17
- grandma runs away with baby into darkness　　17
　　[S] taking baby, fleeing Kent Hovind 🇪🇪🇺🇸
　　[S] beasts are of the moon; Journey to the West — owls may be literally but it's also meant very figuratively here
- mom forgets what happened, grandma 'must have' become a tree　　18

- I remember childhood as blood — stained, or fresh　　36

- grandma-in-law keeps misshapen wild birds but doesn't care for them correctly　　20
- looking out towards the horizon thinking something having to do with pioneer spirit　　19
- emphasis placed on how grandma- and granddad-in-law are both really fake. their love of birds is fake. their farmer appearance is fake. their farm feels like another world which has been built differently from 'reality'　　20
- family tradition of throwing siblings into deep end of swimming pool　　31
- moms protect kids in superstitious ways that don't match reality — grapes but not pool　　22
- mom vaguely disappointed grandma-in-law got rid of the trees　　19

- speaking in metaphor is freedom: no logic, rules, or facts can bind me down　　21
mom is a fucking (pronounced redacted) anarchist. when reality limits her Freedom she changes reality
god this book could have an ideological color swatch

I wonder where the name "Oshetsky" came from
that might reveal some really interesting things about the characters
Oshetsky
* Russia 🇷🇺　* Poland 🇵🇱　* Ukraine 🇺🇦
Olschefsky [1] [2]
* Romania 🇷🇴　* Eastern Europe 🇸🇮　* Eastern European Jews
ok to me I don't care whether someone is Jewish, I'm more interested in what region they moved in from because the interesting geopolitical stories emerge there - violinist sisters from Czech Republic 🇨🇿　　24

- I put away Mozart, take out Anna Clyne's Dance, and play until I'm perfectly free　　26

- secret aborter　　23
mom never says what relative secret aborter is married to
which... might have an ulterior reason.
- terrible lesbian love triangle　　23,112

- honey let's go away for a few days　　27
- I have to work this weekend + next　　27-28
- mom quietly gets ticket to Berlin　　28
- Nefertiti: 'married' a hawk carrying the sun　　28-29

- militarized school uniform. Germany too?　　29
- Berlin women nothing like my generation of moms, they had to brave war wreckage as kids　　30
tbf grandma-in-law was unrelatable too so she isn't wrong

- Berlin etched into memory after great performance　　29-30
she performed Silent Woods. I missed that the first time through because I wasn't looking as hard for "tangled thicket"

- at restaurant neer deer forest　　30
- gnawing at meat, my owl outside　　31
- kitchen fire, "definitely" because everyone ran from the big owl　　31
　　really obsessed with own persecution　　31
- godmother talks:
　　- come back to the night!　　32
　　- he (dog) has broken you　　33

- subliminal messaging from a fetus overcoming my will to survive　　29
- the poison of mother-love　　74

- amoral, uncivilized monster　　32-33
- godmother is not one to bend to needs of child　　29,32
　　it's worth noting that the actual point of this scene is that this assessment is wrong

- exterminating gopher babies; deadly gas　　34
gas chamber imagery?
there is a strong subtext in this section of the idea that World War II was a long time ago and Tiny is nothing like the war against the Nazis, although this is in contradiction to every way she has learned to talk about owl-autism as the "normal" way of talking about it.

- hugging like resurrected　　35

- my sacrifice: everyone is a bit repelled by me　　56
- my womb is riparian　　37

- cancel string quartet; owl baby objects to "temporary"　　45
- Tiny, if we can count on you I'll call the cellist　　42
- mom's perceptions of band's thoughts seem really distorted　　42

- [S] ontogeny recaps phylogeny　　44

- Son, she is not like us　　49
- dog, perfect dog children　　33,49

- baby is a gift to honor freedom of wild world　　52

- no flights of fancy　　49-50
why needed? owl fire

- baby wants to go for night walk　　53,122
- the little dog, unharmed, lives again　　54
- dog live, mom dead, but all a dream　　54-55

- the right-angled ugliness is terrifying; out the window　　?? poetry.

- to the open field to hunt a possum　　58-59

we're getting very David Rain with this　　60

- sonogram "perfectly normal"　　46
- it's a girl!!!　　63
- the heel is lanced　　63

- mom dreams: hideous baby makes doctor think of own mortality　　64
- doctor's wife: what did I do?　　65
- does a baby even know it's alive?　　65

nazi.　　65

- godmother's story returned to throughout book　　117
- first met as 'childhood crush', then 'lived together in wood'　　117,67
- godmother took over old abandoned room　　67
childhood room or copy of current room? not totally clear. sounds like childhood room
- returned right after the moment marriage went downhill　　117
- I would give anything to take you to an owl nest house where you could belong, Chouette, but I've forgotten the way　　87

- the Bird of the Wood "taught me to trust the sound of my own voice"　　18
- I could fly in those days; I could hear the earth's heartbeat　　98
- sounds of nature as songs　　97-98

- Chouette needs a mother or she needs to die　　67
- I'm afraid of you. you disgust me. I'm your mother. I love you.　　73

- in the space for the other parent I wrote owl　　70
- though my mother-in-law shouted about the father they let me go　　70

we spent a third of the book on pregnancy and two thirds will be about Chouette being a child　　73

- mom and dad, we flew across and switched opinions almost metaphysically　　76

- [S] Serengeti/veldt as bleak treacherous place　　79
what's that other story called with the projector room? The Veldt? [yes] [3]

- put baby in stock pot to clean constant watery poo out; dad is terrified　　80

- no one thinks you're worth the trouble to keep alive　　81
- [S] L'homme naît bon, c'est la societé qui le corrompt (Rosseau) [4]

- recurring idea of every food animal having been a baby once　　83

- [S] your birth has severed our blood connection　　84

- [S] baby monastery　　87

- dreaming about going to family gathering and other members not getting upset about baby　　89

- mom gets tired, leaves baby crying, and goes to home studio covered with vines　　90
- I'm (hypothetically) going truant to Berlin until I'm free　　90

- [S] is breaking instruments performance art?　　98-99
I mean, it is, you're not wrong. it takes an expert to make something so basic part of good art though
- they're new notes. they're your notes　　99
- the times are different every time　　100

- baby is oddly specific about what pieces are okay. Romantic composers good, Bach bad　　100

- [S] Bluebird's wife abandoned at home with bone for key　　101

- baby spins around, spots gerbil, and glides over and kills it　　102
- mom I can't find Peanut　　103

- this dog will teach her life skills　　111
- dog eaten　　111

- uncle the chiropodist dreams up weird scheme to fix "her condition" through medical science　　107
ok but how?
> there are treatments　　111
- medical journals specifically about owl babies, apparently　　108
- dad looks at every drug, even a couple that don't make sense　　138
- dad: it's as if you believe she's subhuman　　170

> What if she is meant to be exactly who she is?　　108
what does the word meant mean. who meant this?
I guess in the end the logical answer is whatever your theory of deontological ethics is. I just read about that four days after this

- you scream and you kick him in the jaw　　109 - you're lucky; most children grow up to hate their parents but owl-children never grow up and will always need their mothers　　110

- wood shrews in the bathroom? nice. let's let in some mice so we have more to eat　　114
- vines; precisely the home you need; I barely need to encourage the natural order of things　　115
so mom found 'the way back' I see

- you see the turkey; I brought my axe　　123

- secret friend is hot　　112-113
- dad is not because he never came out of the garage apartment　　113
- ~3 years before, dad says sorry for emptiness in relationship but it's not helping, he can't really put it back together　　116
- secret friend eventually writes back　　115
- lesbian noblewomen sending letters　　116
　　this is questionably historical. lesbians probably existed then but look how angry people got at King James
- she first-sighted me on the day I met my husband　　119

- it is in small slips of thought too short to be called decisions that our lives take shape　　118
- new thrill of not knowing what happens next　　119
　　what a weirdly post-structuralist book
- every room was unsuitable to show her except the bedroom, oh no,,　　120

- secret lover once lived on hippy small farm　　121
this has significance but I don't yet know what to say

the Lady praises mom but still afraid of baby so what's going on here　　121
- gives me the strength to care and love　　127
- all of my doubts grow small　　121
- lock the doubts in a safe with a bone key　　122

- it's a wonder that any woman agrees to be a mother; my death and disembowelment　　127

- godmother: do you want me to gut him?　　117-118
tiny is weirdly violent. each one of these escapes is a decision about whether to kill
- 'I'm pregnant and I have to leave' okay time to kill her　　128
tiny is like. intolerant of normal babies. owl babies only. owl nationalism

- day of tears and blood　　127
- she didn't die. she just got a nasty rip　　130
- Lady has to drive to hospital with one hand　　130

- mom is terrified wondering if she should never have encouraged Chouette to kill　　131-132
- can I teach her moderation between extremes?　　132
- should her power be used to fight those who wish to kill her?　　132
- what if social workers come and take me away?　　133
- I'm a terrible mother　　137

- I learned to stop apologizing to others about your unexpected behaviors　　142
- to keep still enough to see her　　145
- the trill of nature, it's how Chouette sounds when she's happy　　144

- I looked at my girlfriend. i was afraid to grow up to be an owl　　149
- eventually I couldn't quite stand her; that was how I met my husband　　150

- swim therapy　　138-139
> It helps nonconforming children learn to conform　　138
> Our girl is not an animal ... grotesque stories　　145
- they're all crying including the mothers　　140
- coach tells off dad　　140-141
- what are you doing to that child??　　174

- that you'll make friends, and that your future opportunities will expand beyond that of apex predator　　146
- other parents try to block baby from special school　　145-146
- are you sure she crushed the chicks, and not the students? she slices cleanly　　147

- Chouette goes to another school; mom has to sign another incident report　　151
- "lacerations"? what bureaucracy!　　152

- beauty is in front of us in the most circumscribed spaces　　158
thanks Jevil

- tough love therapy　　153
- mothers are always the problem　　153
not for tiny they weren't. what irony
- yes, we slap your child's hand. trust the process　　154
- baby is vibrating furiously, then goes and smashes instruments. baby and mom glare at each other about ready to kill each other　　155

> there are treatments　　111
- we won't be here to take care of her forever. we're going to die one day　　157

- christian mother invites baby to church to meet pastor　　160
- somehow baby is calm　　169
- mom, driven crazy without community, heads to church　　161
- baby's mood shifts wildly on baptism stage but everything is okay　　164
- then other woman's driving startles baby and she attacks　　164-165

- brain crafted by technology?　　174-178
- dad is hardly caring about the science of the treatments now　　166

- dad: I hate it when you shut down like this　　167
- I'm a box that needs to be opened with a hammer　　168
- dad: why do you not listen to me, do you want power　　169
- dad: why do you lie to me　　179
the only thing he's said that's fair

- Chouette caught in bird net　　182
- mom passed out on painkillers　　186

- baby goes to some kind of tutor and starts randomly writing alphabet　　186-187
- mom catches scent of probably just unusual cleaning products and gets paranoid about secret doctors　　186-187

- dream?　　188-213
- you're bad for me, mom　　195
- mom: is my existence nothing more than a language approximation device　　199

- baby not fixed by baptism, fixed by getting rescued from the pool　　201,210
there is something to be said about this. the soft sci-fi side of this part is uninteresting to me for how half-baked it is but what really grips me here is that there almost seem to be magic system rules from earlier going on here. it's as if the baptism wasn't powerful enough because it didn't have the power of support or it didn't have the power of Freedom.

- Chouette eats father's right eye　　217

- godmother: our child is in danger　　222
> I'm blaming this blameless baby, all because of an argument with its other-mother　　35

- you'll like the doctors ... I can't take this any longer　　224-226

- 'the doctors' get Stonewalled　　227
> Life is, in fact, a battle　　227

- through to the thicket of darkness　　228-229

- actually going to different towns feels like a religious revelation　　231-232

- I see her growing, in volume　　233
- she knows where she's going　　234
- didn't look back　　235
- the earth wants me to turn into a tree　　234
oh gosh this is like. Girl From the Other Side.
the generations turn over and you turn into trees
- for nothing　　235
this is the only part that doesn't make sense. isn't this good?
- if only you were still hiding behind a curtain　　235-236

it ends with confusion; it ends in the middle　　237

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