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very short time devoted to magic owl  3
probably for the best wait  117
mom worried about owl baby years ago? there's lore  9

two mentions of sex in first five pages. what a book  5

"housekeeping is nothing more than a losing encounter with entropy"  4

- husband is a patented seed lawyer  7
well that job's going away after the revolution,,

- 95% of this narrative is in the mom's head  1-6,12
- toxic positivity  10

- mom talks about wet playing card. wet card happens  9,10

- grandma had ornithosis, disease found in parrots. hand scaled like claw  15,18

- that's not a dog. if I see you on my property again I'll get my gun

- anti-abortion protest  13
yeah, this is California

- baby makes noise, cannot sleep  11

- a sleepy one-horse town until a rare ore was found in the area  15
- mom describes twice divided origins of good and bad, the neighborhoods "gleaming/gloaming", the good and bad parents.
- standing in weird classist prejudices and not challenging them the whole time  15-16
okay, no, mom really has internalized this disgusting view of imperfect people as not human  17-18

- old song of prophecy reverberates and messes up violin playing  25
- i am bad and it will corrupt my child  25

- fateful day at the zoo  16-17
- owl trapped in tiny cage; you will be one if you keep speaking up  17
- turned back, bit, hit by zookeeper, hit by father  17
- grandma runs away with baby into darkness  17
  [S] taking baby, fleeing Kent Hovind 🇪🇪🇺🇸
  [S] beasts are of the moon; Journey to the West — owls may be literally but it's also meant very figuratively here
- mom forgets what happened, grandma 'must have' become a tree  18

- looking out towards the horizon thinking something having to do with pioneer spirit  19
- grandma-in-law keeps misshapen wild birds but doesn't care for them correctly  20
- emphasis placed on how grandma- and granddad-in-law are both really fake. their love of birds is fake. their farmer appearance is fake. their farm feels like another world which has been built differently from 'reality'  20
- family tradition of throwing siblings into deep end of swimming pool  31
- moms protect kids in superstitious ways that don't match reality — grapes but not pool  22
- mom vaguely disappointed grandma-in-law got rid of the trees  19

- metaphor is freedom: no logic, rules, or facts can bind me down  21
mom is a pronounced redacted anarchist. when reality limits her Freedom she changes reality
god this book could have an ideological color swatch

I wonder where the name "Oshetsky" came from
that might reveal some really interesting things about the characters
Oshetsky
* Russia 🇷🇺 * Poland 🇵🇱 * Ukraine 🇺🇦
Olschefsky [1] [2]
* Romania 🇷🇴 * Eastern Europe 🇸🇮 * Eastern European Jews
ok to me I don't care whether someone is Jewish, I'm more interested in what region they moved in from because the interesting geopolitical stories emerge there

- violinist sisters from Czech Republic 🇨🇿  24

- I put away Mozart, take out Anna Clyne's Dance, and play until I'm perfectly free  26

- honey let's go away for a few days  27

- secret aborter  23
mom never says what relative secret aborter is married to
which... might have an ulterior reason.
- terrible lesbian love triangle  23,112


- thicket gnarled and tangled  66

- godmother's story returned to throughout book  117
- first met as 'childhood crush', then 'lived together in wood'  ??
- godmother took over old abandoned room  67
childhood room or copy of current room? not totally clear. sounds like childhood room
- returned right after the moment marriage went downhill  117
- I would give anything to take you to an owl nest house where you could belong, Chouette, but I've forgotten the way  87

- the Bird of the Wood "taught me to trust the sound of my own voice"  18
- I could fly in those days; I could hear the earth's heartbeat  98
- sounds of nature as songs  97-98

- Chouette needs a mother or she needs to die  67
- I'm afraid of you. you disgust me. I'm your mother. I love you.  73

- in the space for the other parent I wrote owl  70
- though my mother-in-law shouted about the father they let me go  70

we spent a third of the book on pregnancy and two thirds will be about Chouette being a child  73

- the poison of mother-love  74

- mom and dad, we flew across and switched opinions almost metaphysically  76

- [S] Serengeti/veldt as bleak treacherous place  79
what's that other story called with the projector room? The Veldt? [yes] [3]

- put baby in stock pot to clean constant watery poo out; dad is terrified  80

- no one thinks you're worth the trouble to keep alive  81
- [S] L'homme naît bon, c'est la societé qui le corrompt (Rosseau) [4]

- recurring idea of every food animal having been a baby once  83

- [S] your birth has severed our blood connection  84

- [S] baby monastery  87

- dreaming about going to family gathering and other members not getting upset about baby  89

- mom gets tired, leaves baby crying, and goes to home studio covered with vines  90
- I'm going truant to Berlin until I'm free  90

- [S] is breaking instruments performance art?  98-99
I mean, it is, you're not wrong. it takes an expert to make something so basic part of good art though
- they're new notes. they're your notes  99
- the times are different every time  100

- baby is oddly specific about what pieces are okay. Romantic composers good, Bach bad  100

- [S] Bluebird's wife abandoned at home with bone for key  101

- baby spins around, spots gerbil, and glides over and kills it  102
- mom I can't find Peanut  103

- uncle the chiropodist dreams up weird scheme to fix "her condition" through medical science  107
ok but how?
> there are treatments  111
- medical journals specifically about owl babies, apparently  108
- dad looks at every drug, even a couple that don't make sense  138
- dad: it's as if you believe she's subhuman  170

> What if she is meant to be exactly who she is?  108
what does the word meant mean. who meant this?

- you scream and you kick him in the jaw  109

- you're lucky; most children grow up to hate their parents but owl-children never grow up and will always need their mothers  110

- this dog will teach her life skills  111
- dog eaten  111

- wood shrews in the bathroom? nice. let's let in some mice so we have more to eat  114
- vines; precisely the home you need; I barely need to encourage the natural order of things  115
so mom found 'the way back' I see

- you see the turkey; I brought my axe  123

- secret friend is hot  112-113
- dad is not because he never came out of the garage apartment  113
- ~3 years before, dad says sorry for emptiness in relationship but it's not helping, he can't really put it back together  116
- secret friend eventually writes back  115
- she first-sighted me on the day I met my husband  119

- lesbian noblewomen sending letters  116
this is questionably historical. lesbians probably existed then but look how angry people got at King James

- it is in small slips of thought too short to be called decisions that our lives take shape  118
- new thrill of not knowing what happens next  119
what a weirdly post-structuralist book

- every room was unsuitable to show her except the bedroom, oh no,,  120

- secret lover once lived on hippy small farm  121
this has significance but I don't yet know what to say

the Lady praises mom but still afraid of baby so what's going on here  121
- gives me the strength to care and love  127
- all of my doubts grow small  121
- lock the doubts in a safe with a bone key  122

- I take you out at night  122

- it's a wonder that any woman agrees to be a mother; my death and disembowelment  127

- do you want me to gut him?  117-118
tiny is weirdly violent. each one of these escapes is a decision about whether to kill
- 'I'm pregnant and I have to leave' okay time to kill her  128
tiny is like. intolerant of normal babies. owl babies only. owl nationalism

- day of tears and blood  127
- she didn't die. she just got a nasty rip  130
- Lady has to drive to hospital with one hand  130

- mom is terrified wondering if she should never have encouraged Chouette to kill  131-132
- can I teach her moderation between extremes?  132
- should her power be used to fight those who wish to kill her?  132
- what if social workers come and take me away?  133
- I'm a terrible mother  137

- I learned to stop apologizing to others about your unexpected behaviors  142
- to keep still enough to see her  145
- the trill of nature, it's how Chouette sounds when she's happy  144

- I looked at my girlfriend. i was afraid to grow up to be an owl  149
- eventually I couldn't quite stand her; that was how I met my husband  150

- swim therapy  138-139
> It helps nonconforming children learn to conform  138
> Our girl is not an animal ... grotesque stories  145
- they're all crying including the mothers  140
- coach tells off dad  140-141
- what are you doing to that child??  174

- that you'll make friends, and that your future opportunities will expand beyond that of apex predator  146
- other parents try to block baby from special school  145-146
- are you sure she crushed the chicks, and not the students? she slices cleanly  147

- Chouette goes to another school; mom has to sign another incident report  151
- "lacerations"? what bureaucracy!  152

- tough love therapy  153
- mothers are always the problem  153
not for tiny they weren't. what irony
- trust the process  154
- baby is vibrating furiously, then goes and smashes instruments. baby and mom glare at each other about ready to kill each other  155

> there are treatments  111
- we won't be here to take care of her forever. we're going to die one day  157

- beauty is in front of us in the most circumscribed spaces  158
thanks Jevil

- christian mother invites baby to church to meet pastor  160
- somehow baby is calm  169
- mom, driven crazy without community, heads to church  161
- baby's mood shifts wildly on baptism stage but everything is okay  164
- then other woman's driving startles baby and she attacks  164-165

- dad is hardly caring about the science of the treatments now  166

- brain crafted by technology?  174-178

- dad: I hate it when you shut down like this  167
- I'm a box that needs to be opened with a hammer  168
- dad: why do you not listen to me, do you want power  169
- dad: why do you lie to me  179
the only thing he's said that's fair

- Chouette caught in bird net  182
- mom passed out on painkillers  186

- baby goes to some kind of tutor and starts writing letters  186-187
- mom catches scent of probably just unusual cleaning products and gets paranoid about secret doctors  186-187

- dream?  188-213
- you're bad for me, mom  195
- mom: is my existence nothing more than a language approximation device  199
- baby not fixed by baptism, fixed by getting rescued from the pool  201,210

- Chouette eats father's right eye  217

> I want what's happening to be the real thing  222
> this other kind of life ... where all the magic and music has drained out of me  223

- our child is in danger  222

- you'll like the doctors ... I can't take this any longer  224-226

- the doctors get Stonewalled  227
> Life is, in fact, a battle  227

- through to the thicket of darkness  228-229

- actually going to different towns feels like a religious revelation  231-232

- I see her growing, in volume  233
- she knows where she's going  234
- didn't look back  235
- the earth wants me to turn into a tree  234
oh gosh this is like. Girl From the Other Side.
the generations turn over and you turn into trees
- for nothing  235
this is the only part that doesn't make sense. isn't this good?
- if only you were hiding behind a curtain  235-236

it ends with confusion; it ends in the middle  237

Legend

  • >: direct quote
  • -: statement directly in book
  • [S]: abstract theme directly in book
  • (no mark): comment